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Managing the Stress of Your Divorce: Step 3 - Imitating Sturdy Role Models

Going through a divorce it can be hard to know up from down or if the direction your going is right or wrong. These experiences are all a natural outgrowth of going through this incredibly challenging life event for the first time.

By seeking out positive role models, we are able learn how to succeed through any endeavor in life. Role models inspire us to take action we were afraid of taking on own behalf. The ability to imitate is inborn. By looking to their strength, we can draw our own strength from them. From the time we are children we learn by modeling. By following the path of those who have not only survived their own divorce, but have also thrived you can learn strategies and techniques to apply to your own life and divorce.

While it may sound silly, celebrities can act as role models. Jennifer Lopez was quoted saying, “I feel very proud of the way we’re handling it. I really do. We are doing the best we can for the kids. It’s very dignified and we’re trying to be above all the emotions and pain that come along with a divorce and a family breaking apart. This is grown-up stuff. It’s real, serious, grown-up stuff.”

Jennifer Lopez focuses on the positive, doing her best for her children but also does not minimize the seriousness of the situation, she highlights how serious and “grown-up” divorcing can be. While celebrities might not highlight perfectly the best type of response in every situation, if you can look out for little pieces of wisdom from everyone, you will be that much better off.

Look out for positive role models that include traits such as optimism, hope and resilience. One role model may have certain positive coping and stress management techniques you can learn from such as reaching out to others for advice, assistance and emotional support. Another may show you how getting adequate nutrition, sleep and exercise helped them survive their own divorce. Another may provide a new perspective such as that she felt that her marriage was a learning experience and now has grown in love so much she has graduated to a new better understanding of love.

While there are positive role models to imitate, there are also negatve role models that illuminate what should not be doing. Have you ever had a friend who has gone through a divorce and believes she will never find love again. She is a negative role model, you realize this is the type of thought you never want to have. Even negative role models can inspire us, they reveal to us the downfall of using such strategies and highlight the importance of finding positive role models.

Books are another great resource to seek out. Books such as Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally can provide proven techniques and strategies into how you can handle the financial aspects of divorce and learn to assert your rights by knowing how others have already done so.

Another book Putting Children First by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll can help illuminate positive parenting strategies that help children thrive through divorce. Experience and knowledge that is only gained by watching and learning froms hundreds of people going through divorce with children.

Other books such asYou Can Heal Your Heart by Louise L. Hay and David Kessler can help you through the emotional aspects of your divorce. They offer practical tips and stories that can help one through the emotional journey that divorce is.

By utilizing both positive and negative role models you can use the wisdom and guidance of other people’s experience to pave the way for your own journey.

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