What are some of the advantages and benefits of hiring a Divorce Mediation Firm in Newport Beach? Lani Baron, founder and CEO of Alternative Divorce Solutions, Inc. shares some benefits on hiring a Divorce Mediation Firm and why you don’t have to get along for divorce mediation to work.
Why You Don’t Have to Get Along for Divorce Mediation to Work:
There is a common misconception about divorce mediation. People think that in order for divorce mediation to work, that the couple has to “get along” perfectly or be completely amicable. While good communication and a willingness to be amicable certainly helps the divorce mediation process, it is not necessary. Here is why:
1. Your divorce mediation firm’s job is to help you reach an agreement:
The nature of divorce mediation is a negotiation. Each person comes in with what they think would be fair in a perfect world. This isn’t always fair in the eyes of the other person, or even the law. Sometimes, people come into the divorce mediation process with completely unrealistic expectations. It is your divorce mediator’s job to help you negotiate in these situations. This can be done a few different ways.
First, the starting point is always the law. Even though your divorce mediator cannot give you legal advice, he or she can give you legal information. This is typically general information about what the law says on a particular issue. Sometimes, a person needs to hear this and their expectations are automatically adjusted. Other times, the divorce mediator has to do a little bit more finessing. Another thing the mediator can do is try to understand each person’s underlying needs and concerns. This will take some honest communication with each other and the divorce mediator. If someone’s main concern is financial security, this can be accomplished in a number of different ways. Once the divorce mediator is aware of this, he or she can start working with the couple to craft creative solutions for settlement.
2. Your divorce mediator is trained to get you to communicate:
At Alternative Divorce Solutions (a divorce mediation firm located in Newport Beach), our clients sign a special set of rules that govern the mediation process. Basically, they agree to be respectful of one another during the mediation appointments, to listen to the other person speak, to take turns while speaking, and to avoid derogatory and accusatory language. Even though these rules may come off as a little silly to some, they really set the tone for how the communication will take place. For divorce mediation to be effective, the parties have to voice their feelings and concerns. However, they must do so in a productive manner. When the parties are screaming obscenities at one another, it is not productive.
It is the divorce mediator’s job to set the tone for how the conversations are going to go. This is why our clients initial on the rules of mediation. These rules make it clear to everyone involved in the divorce mediation that certain things are not going to be permitted. This creates an even and balanced environment to have conversations. At Alternative Divorce Solutions, we have a lot of clients who do not speak to one another outside of the mediation appointments. If things come up during their weeks that they want to share with one another, they do so at the start of the mediation session. This way, the mediator is there to moderate the conversation and make sure both people’s opinions are heard.
3. We can appreciate that you have a difference in core values.
Part of being a great divorce mediator involves constantly talking to other professionals involved in divorce to get different perspectives. Recently, I was speaking to a marriage and family therapist who told me that every marriage fails because of a “difference in core values.” This means that the people do not agree on the very deepest levels. Of course, this can manifest itself in a lot of different ways – disagreements, infidelity, financial instability, etc. But, it always comes down to the couple’s fundamental belief system in the end.
That being said, when you get to the point where you are thinking about divorce, we are already assuming that you don’t agree on everything. This is to be expected. That is why a divorce mediator can be so helpful. A divorce mediator is a neutral third person who can view your situation from a detached and objective place. Your divorce mediator will not pass judgment on your thoughts and feelings. They will not form a personal opinion about who is right or wrong. Instead, your divorce mediator will be by your side to help you work through your differences in opinion.
4. All you need is one common goal:
Even though you may have your differences, as discussed above, you only need one thing for your divorce mediation to be a success. You both need to share the common goal of settlement. In other words, you both need to agree that you want to settle your case out of court. To do this, you may need some education. It may help to read up on the benefits of divorce mediation. In summary, divorce mediation saves you on financial, emotional and mental stress. If you want to learn more about the benefits of divorce mediation, visit our page on Mediation.
Alternative Divorce Solutions, is a divorce mediation firm in Newport Beach assisting parties with the common goal of settlement. Our team will be by your side through the divorce to support you.